Happy Wednesdays! So what EXACTLY does science says? – part 1

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Sometimes, when reading academic textbooks and articles on happiness – which is called subjective well-being SWB in research literature – I was REALLY surprised by new findings. We think, for example, that having children would make us happier and then… what do we find out? 😉

Research found that happiness IS NOT related to:

  • Physical attractiveness! Striving to look as perfect as possible and spending a lot of money on clothes, make up, and cosmetic surgery does not equal happiness – this can be quite surprising for some people.
  • Age! Some of us worry about getting old to the extent that we may think that older means unhappy! There are various findings, sometimes contradictory, about this aspect but most studies emphasise that your happiness level doesn’t depend on your age much or at all!
  • Money! When you meet your BASIC needs there is not much difference between someone who is earning a low or average wage and a filthy rich person in terms of happiness! I know it may sound unbelievable for many people. Kasser in The high price of materialism (2002, available here) proved that actually desiring and focusing on the pursuit of wealth would make you LESS HAPPY! And quite often the more we have, the more we want!
  • Gender. What’s interesting is that women have a greater tendency towards being depressed… but also towards being more joyful!

I found a picture which I think may be able to explain these findings… 😉

TYPICAL DAY IN A MAN’S LIFE:

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TYPICAL DAY IN A WOMAN’S LIFE:

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  • Educational level
  • Having children! Although some clarification is more than needed here 😉 It was found that having children who are up to 5 years old or teenagers makes us actually LESS HAPPY! However, children can make our life more meaningful and what’s interesting (in spite of all the stress and worries), parents live on average longer!
  • Moving to a sunnier climate
  • Crime prevention
  • Housing
  • Objective health (what your doctor tells you about your health – how good your blood test results are, what you are diagnosed with, etc.)
  • Environment & genetics! Even if in your genes there is some coded predisposition towards becoming unhappy or depressed, if you grow up and live in a positive, engaging and encouraging environment you can actually become HAPPIER than someone who has genetic predispositions to be content!

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Welcome to the Productive Mondays cycle!

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I’ve mentioned in one or two of my previous posts that 92% of people don’t achieve their personal goals. What about their New Year’s Resolutions? So actually these 92% of us fail by exactly… 15th January (today’s date!)! Although the chances are that small, I really hope that you are doing well with your goals.  Even if you haven’t been perfectly on track you can sit back, reflect on the bigger picture and spend a bit more time on planning. Perhaps you tried some techniques and methods which did not work well. What can be done to improve this, then? Be flexible, open and kind to yourself! You can do anything you want to with THE RIGHT MINDSET!

Psychologist Dr Gail Matthews found that we are 42% more likely to achieve goals simply by writing them down! (more about it here)

And how many people actually write their goals down?……3%!!!!!!!!!!!

There is one additional rule here: write about your aims on a REGULAR BASISreview them, update them, consider different solutions and methods!

This likelihood increases even more if you talk about your goal to a supportive friend who believes that you can achieve this.

Why is this all so important?

  • When you write things down and share them with a friend you need to concentrate a bit more to word your aims clearly and be specific, and this can make your plans more organised and structured
  • so this is like a first step which makes something invisible into visible & tangible
  • when you write about what’s important to you, then you’ll probably think more about it during the day too, and you will pay more attention to opportunities that you may encounter during your day
  • the more specific your goals are in terms of measuring them and with regard to time–the more achievable they will be

What do you have if you don’t write your goals down? Your dreams plus… an additional 2,500-3,300 other thoughts (per hour!) mixed up in your head… and this makes your passions and aims less significant than you’d like them to be.

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Apparently, sharing updates with regards to your progress is another big important step if you’d like to ensure that you increase the likelihood of achieving your goals even more. Again – sharing them only with a friend is perfectly fine

Personal Growth project – week 1

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A bit over one week has already passed and I feel that I should provide an update on my Personal Growth project.

The first week has been extremely active and busy for me:

  • full-time work
  • considering & researching & preparing stuff related to pregnancy and the arrival of my second baby such as finding the right pushchair… and boy, let me tell you that it is really time-consuming to find something I and my husband both would like (at a reasonable price!). At the moment we are considering purchasing this pushchair model here (if any of you have/had it or knows someone who did and can let me know what you think about it – that would be superhelpful!
  • organising some stuff at home, including taking the Christmas tree down
  • cooking lessons with mum (delicious Polish dishes!)
  • first judo lesson for my daughter
  • + there were a few other things but I won’t bore you with them.
  • And of course I was working on my personal goals such as reading and writing books and blog posts

As I expected, the project seems to be working well because I feel a lot more productive and managed to achieve most of the tasks I set. It’s a bit messy and challenging but that’s what I also expected. Nevertheless, I have been enjoying it and I spent some quality time on finishing my first book, making notes for the second one, writing & reading & posting blog posts, doing some research on personal development and positive-psychology-related topics, recording a video for YouTube, and I have managed to complete a few other smaller tasks.

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I feel that although I narrowed my goals down a lot, I still need a simpler plan or fewer tasks so I could manage them more efficiently because currently I know that I do a lot but I haven’t managed to tick all of the boxes for each task yet. Again – expecting too much from myself is coming to light! And this is one of the reasons why goals may not be met so I’m glad I admitted it to myself now, earlier rather than later, because in the next week or two I’ll keep in mind that I need to work on simplifying and narrowing the project down even more.

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What has surprised me is how much I can get done when I devote a lot of time to the planning processstepping back and thinking of the most important aspects, possible problems and solutions! I’ll continue to keep a small block of time for planning at least once a week to make sure I know what I’m doing each week and what I should focus on. I haven’t yet had time to prepare any clear & nice pictures so I can share my charts, lists or mind maps with you (they are more in stage of drafts yet and a bit unreadable), but that’s on my list to-do too!

Have a  great productive day!

How to plan your 2018 GOALS smartly?

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Quite a few statistics I’ve come across indicate that approximately 92% of people who plan New Year resolutions give up on them within around a month! This is a shocking number. If you asked me about the stats before I found this information, I’d have thought it was more like a 50/50 or 40/60 ratio.

Isn’t that one of the most discouraging and demotivating statistics you’ve ever heard of?

What do you do to ensure that you are among the remaining 8% of people who get what they want in life?

Firstly we need to understand that our dreams are not goals, and vice versa.

Dreams become goals only if you are willing to work on them, if you specify them, write them down, prepare an action plan, and in any other way show commitment and effort; and naturally when you take action towards achieving them.

  • Specify:Think what your biggest dreams are and which ones you can and want to pursue. Think what you could do to fulfil them.

 

  • Be Realistic: When someone says, “Make sure your goals are realistic and achievable”, I think, “Well, if Wright brothers, Orville and Wilbur, (two American inventors, engineers and aviators) had thought what was realistic, what had been done before, what people of their time were able to do, they would NEVER have built and flown the world’s first airplane in 1903! If Einstein, Edison or Darwin had listened to others and had tried to set SMART goals (*goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time specific), then they surely wouldn’t have got as far as they did because many things that they invented or discovered weren’t thought to be realistic or achievable in their lifetimes!

On the other hand, it is commonly stressed in psychology-related books and articles that people OFTEN overestimate what can be done in a year and underestimate what can be done in 5 or 10 years. And certainly there is some truth in it as well. Surely we can do a lot in just one year BUT some goals such as writing books or becoming an expert in a chosen discipline may take more than a year.

It also depends on your circumstances, although they are not as vital as you think because even if you haven’t the resources you believe you need, you may find other ways around it to achieve your goals. To tell the truth people rarely have an ideal situation (enough money, contacts, time and so on).

  • Action plans:According to many different studies, people who write their goals down are more likely to achieve them. I didn’t know how important an action plan was before someone advised me to do it. I used to think I work hard on my goals but with the right action plan I’ve realised I didn’t put enough effort into my goals before.

A good action plan, and most of all FOLLOWING IT, is a real eye-opener!

I’ve realised that many people get frustrated and/or fail because they don’t plan any tasks with regard to their goals at all (and think, e.g. “I’ll learn Spanish when I find some time for it.” ) or make their action plans too strict. I used to be one of those people. For instance, I planned that I’d do something EVERY SINGLE DAY for the next X months or years! There is a quote I really like which says:

You can do anything but not everything.

Yes, so dream big, make sure you prepare and plan your goals well but DON’T forget that you need to have a flexible approach to it. For example, I have a four-year-old daughter and I’m going to give birth again in March 2018, and I’m sure that there will be days when I am not able to write anything.

Additionally to all these things that we can predict there are ALWAYS some things that we CAN’T predict. You may have to change your job and you won’t be able to exercise, write articles, design clothes or work on your business idea in the early mornings as you planned; or you may need to move and many of us know how time-consuming it is. Rather than getting irritated that we can’t have it all and do everything we want to, we should design our action plans quite flexibly – a good idea may be to write down what you will focus mostly on in each month of the next year and plan the month ahead only a few days before it starts. 

  • Reviews: Planning November or even April next year when life gets so unpredictable sometimes seems like a huge challenge. During the next year you may find out ways and techniques of working better on your goals (for example, you may do an online marketing course and find out how you can find more clients for your business) because we are constantly learning. You may get some good advice from others who achieve their goals or you may decide that your real passion and true goals are a bit different from what you thought they were. Therefore, it would be best if you review your goals and action plan regularly, for example at the end of every month(some people would prefer to do it every quarter).

 

  • Modifications: And the most important point – changing or adjusting your goals does not mean that you give up on them or that you failed. As long as you have grit and put passion and real effort into whatever you’d like to do it still counts! There definitely will be days when you will have doubts and lose your confidence but remember these are JUST YOUR THOUGHTSgenerated by your own mind. If you need a break, take a few days’ break, don’t think about your goals at all and then with a fresh eye and energy consider what you can improve to become more productive and effective, and to accelerate your progress.

 

I’m very interested in what you think about this and what your plans for 2018 are!