Attitude is the KEY

I’ve started to exercise a little and drink a lot more water recently and this helps me to stay more positive and energetic for longer during the day. A friend of mine said that she would also like to start exercising to lose her post-pregnancy weight but I’ve noticed that quite often she feels overwhelmed, as though losing a bigger amount of weight while looking after two small children is almost like mission impossible.

I think that the first thing that bring us closer to reaching our goals is our ATTITUDE. Your mindset, attitude and outlook are more than critical in reaching your goals. Any goals that you set for yourself.

Without the right mindset and positive attitude you won’t ever start. Without them, what else will keep you motivated during your journey? How will you overcome any problems and challenges?

Try to not worry too much about the current situation if it isn’t the best and focus on what you can do to change this. Attitude can take you a long way. It can help you to “move mountains” and, as Robert T. Kiyosaki said in his book “Rich Dad Poor Dad”, remember that your thoughts are actually responsible for creating your life. You CAN live the life you want. You CAN do what you enjoy and achieve what you dream about.

The attitude is the key and this is emphasised by many successful people too.

You’ve probably heard or read some famous quotes, such as the one by Henry Ford:

“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”

The best book I’ve ever read in the field of psychology, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck (available here), also stresses how the way you look at things and respond to different situations is important because this determines whether you will be (or rather allow yourself to be) a successful and happy human being.

Negative situations, bad circumstances, not enough resources (such as time or money) – that happens to EVERYONE in the world. EVERYONE. Yet, some people achieve a lot, even though it looks like everything is against them, even though they have no money and not much time etc. and some others choose (consciously or not) to use these unsatisfactory aspects and lack of resources as excuses.

An incredibly successful writer no-one had heard of around a decade ago, Haruki Murakami, had a full-time job and family, and hadn’t really much time for writing but enjoyed it so much that one day he decided he would spend 2 hours on writing every day after work. Now Haruki, whenever he decides to write a new book, gets up very early in the morning and spends 4-6 hours on writing. Every single day for a few weeks: 4-6 hours daily! Do you remember how energy draining and at the same time how rewarding it feels when you write a long essay? Haruki admits that spending so much time on writing his books is hard but without that he wouldn’t achieve his goals. And achieving goals is incredibly satisfying 😉 What’s interesting, although he is already 69, is that he enjoys running a lot and takes part in marathons. It helps to clear his mind, increase his energy and improve the creativity that is needed to write great books!

Image result for haruki murakami

Getting the right attitude is a crucial step before we decide what our priorities are and make plans!

You can do more than you think you can with a bit of hard work and consistency. You will need to get inspired and motivated. You will need to spend some time on your goals. You may need to make some sacrifices BUT remember that wherever you are right now, if you don’t know where to start, and if your situation looks overwhelming – you start with your attitude. You think of your outlook first.

How to improve your mindset and get the right attitude?

Try to keep all the negative thoughts away.

Try meditation.

Try to worry less.

Try to stay inspired and motivated by others and the things they create.

Try to connect/re-connect with nature as much and as often as you can.

Try exercising a bit every single day to stay energetic and positive for longer!

There is a lot you can do to improve your mindset and start working on your goals with the right attitude.

Just remember what the KEY is!

 

DO NOT WORRY CHALLENGE!

casual, cheerful, daylight

Have you ever thought how often you ACTUALLY worry about something? If you haven’t started to pay attention to it yet you may want to do a little experiment and write down a number (in order) every time a thought that comes to your mind can be classified as worrying about something – doesn’t matter what:

past – that you can’t change something, that you made a fool of yourself, that you should have done this or that project or task or assignment better

present – that you hadn’t time to wash your hair or do your nails and you don’t look good enough, that you have too little energy again, that you don’t have enough money

future – you don’t have anything to wear for the interview tomorrow, you won’t manage to do a task on time and the deadline is coming, you won’t ever achieve anything great because you haven’t got enough time!

We think a lot! According to science we have up to 70,000 thoughts a day! What’s interesting, many researchers agree that most of these thoughts we had the day before too and even up to 80% is negative thinking and worrying! 

The average person tends to worry A LOT about their financial situation. You probably often hear from your family members or friends, or read online that:

  • someone would have been happier if they had more money,
  • someone could pay off their debts with a higher salary and put an end to their sleepless nights,
  • someone could buy a house for their sick mother … if only they had more money.

There are hundreds of these examples that you hear about every day, proving how important money is in our lives. Now, it’s true it is important although it isn’t the most important thing, and as academic studies found – winning a lottery would improve your wellbeing levels YES but only for a few months. After the initial euphoria that may last a few weeks or months your happiness level would go back to its usual level.

We think that money is a magic pill that will solve all our problems, that this is the key to our happiness but actually we realise how wrong we were just when we lose something more important like health or family, or a best friend.

buy, cash, coins

Now, if money isn’t the key to happiness and by worrying about it all the time every day on every possible occasion we can’t magically change the amount of pounds or dollars in our wallets – why worry SO MUCH about that?

By thinking about how broke you are you won’t improve anything. Full stop. The end.

The richest people say that they don’t work for money but money works for them. What they mean is that they focus on their passions and goals and work hard for their success. They do not concentrate solely on money as this would not lead them where they are because, as studies also show, money IS NOT a strong enough motivation to ensure that we reach our goals. Some people focus so much on money and get frustrated about it that they think about it more than about the work that needs to get done to help them reach their goals! And it’s a vicious cycle as you can imagine.

Of course we don’t worry just about our money. We also worry a lot about things that are important to us, e.g. teenagers worry about their look a lot and mothers worry about their children, their health and development a great deal. You may be worried that you’ll get fired at your job and someone else may be worried about their grades at university. You may be worrying about a possible injury when taking up a new sport or about being late for a train that you should take to be at a meeting on time. We worry that it’s rainy; we worry that it’s too hot and sunny; we worry that we won’t get this new, better job; we worry when we get a good job (Will I be good enough? Will I meet their requirements? I don’t have the knowledge I should have to start this new job … What if they discover that?!); we worry when we can’t afford to travel; we worry when we travel because of various risks and so on … a never-ending story, right?

aerial, aerial view, aeroplane

Whatever it is that you worry about, if you pay attention to your thoughts on a daily basis for, let’s say, 7 days you will notice that you worry more often and about a lot more aspects in your life than you thought you did! That is why the DO NOT WORRY CHALLENGE is especially hard. A lot harder than, for instance, the 100 SQUATS A DAY FOR A MONTH CHALLENGE that I’m doing.

The DO NOT WORRY CHALLENGE is possible but as with meditation you need to practise it daily.

Try to do 24 hours of the CHALLENGE and let me know in the comments what you think about it and how it went.

I’ve done the challenge and I must say it feels great. I have to work on extending the challenge for more than just 24 hours and try to implement this way of thinking in my life. It will be a difficult task because, according to some research, changing a habit can take from a few up to … approximately 250 days depending on the person! What if I need nearly a year to make my habit work and do it automatically?! Well, I guess it’s worth trying! Surely I don’t lose anything by worrying less. Some worry is natural and perhaps even needed (to prepare well for an exam or a trip) but human beings tend to over worry often! And this drains our energy and make us negative, miserable and tired.

If you want to join the challenge remember that it is easy to forget that you are doing this! In the first weeks it’s good to have some notes as reminders around you – in your wallet, on a mirror, on your desk or fridge.

Should you try it?

WHY NOT?!

 

Good luck folks! 😉

How to cut out all meaningless stuff?

Yellow and White Ceramic Coffee Mug on Brown Wooden Surface With Black Eyeglasses

There are many tempting things in the world!

Every week try to cut off or limit something that doesn’t matter much to you but takes up your time—it may be complaining, Facebook, TV, gossiping or worrying about the future. Don’t feel bad though if you procrastinate a bit sometimes; according to research this is normal and everyone does it. It’s important not to feel guilty about it and make sure that it doesn’t take too much of your time and attention.

It’s easy to get into meaningless chats or meet with negative people not because we really want to but because for some reason we feel we should. When you start to say NO to some invitations you may lose some friends. But then, are they real friends if they don’t understand your need to work on something important to you so you can’t hang out with them as much as you used to?

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The average adult person who has children has for themselves only around 2 hours a day. Due to lack of energy these 2 hours are often spent in front of the TV in the evenings. Think how you can organise this time differently. Surely you need to rest a bit but, to tell the truth, TV isn’t a good method for gaining more energy. Maybe you could allow only half an hour a day for TV (and occasionally watch a film, say at weekends) and spend the remaining time on some exercises, such as yoga from a YouTube channel.

Exercise is a very effective cure for fatigue.

Way too often we spend our time also on… looking for different things. Try to be organised and dedicate a week or a whole month to de-cluttering your house. Plan what you will do each day to tidy your stuff up. A method by Marie Kondo is very popular and helpful nowadays. Have you heard of it yet?

  • Try to find a place for everything in your home and group things together. Don’t keep coins or hairpins in a lot of different places at home. One type of item = one place at your home.
  • Organising your clothes (including the ones in the laundry and in any other place at home), on the same day works wonders. Put into a bin everything you haven’t used for a few years but think that you “might use it one day’. If you didn’t need something for 4 years, do you really think you will need it now or in the near future?
  • Many of your documents, notes, and other similar things also could go in the bin. Don’t deceive yourself; some of these things you will never use or need again!

Try a meaningless stuff diet and see how well it tastes! 😉

How to avoid distractions?

A simple distraction such as a notification (often not important at all!) on your mobile means that each time you lose your focus and, according to studies, need 4 to 15 minutes to concentrate and motivate yourself again to keep working effectively on your tasks!

It was found that office workers are distracted every 3 minutes on average!

Data from 2016 indicated that 3 out of 4 employers believe that every day an average employee loses 2 hours of work due to distractions. While you are doing your work, write down all the distractions that happen for a week or two and analyse them. Think what you could do to minimise or avoid them!

We get easily distracted when we are tired. Remember about taking regular breaks, going for a walk and catching some fresh air. Breathe, eat well, drink a lot of water and some green tea. These SIMPLE (but often neglected!) pieces of advice will help you to stay calmer, more focused and more patient.

If you can, and surely sometimes you can, turn your mobile off or change it to airplane mode.

Free stock photo of hands, coffee, iphone, smartphone

One of the greatest pieces of advice, although quite difficult to follow at first, is to get up earlier to avoid distractions: requests, phone calls, noise, notifications, and questions from others! You’d be amazed how much meaningful work can be done in the early morning hours. Don’t get up earlier to catch up with emails or to clean your home! Get up earlier to do something creative, something that’s meaningful for you, something that will give you exceptional results and will bring you closer to achieving your goals. Write, read, work on your business or project, for example. This is a precious time.

If you get up 1 hour earlier every day you will gain 7 extra hours for something that matters to you! How does that sound? Seven quiet precious hours. I had a long period of time when I was able to get up 2 hours earlier than usual. That’s 14 hours a week! Now while in advanced pregnancy I have had to change my schedule because of the need for more sleep. Remember, not every piece of advice will work the same for everyone but I can say that this tip which I read about in What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfastby Laura Vanderkam (available here) made a huge improvement in my life.

Experts advise that to change your habit and make this morning routine easier, ideally, you should get up at the same time every single day. If you allow yourself to sleep longer at weekends, then you’ll feel that it’s more difficult to get up early during weekdays.

If you feel it’s too difficult to do this, maybe try a shorter period of time; for example, 30 mins extra in the morning—that will also make a difference. Just remember to make sure that you still can sleep 7-8 hours a day.

Some people like to have their Power Hour in the morning so they can feel they’ve achieved something before everyone else gets up. Power Hour means that you dedicate one hour where you put 100% effort into a dedicated project, activity or task. Or it may mean for  some people, for example: 20 mins spent on some creative work, 20 mins of reading and 20 mins of exercising. Check what will work best for you. Knowing that you achieve something early in the morning will make you more satisfied and put you in a more positive mood which will last for hours during the day.

Does money motivate people – what’s the truth?

Does money buy happiness in your opinion?

If yes, to what extent? 

If not, why not?

Many years ago, before I got into psychology, I thought that money surely can motivate people to work better, more quickly and efficiently; and no matter what your job is that money can enhance performance.

Many of us are trying not to focus on material things too much, but sometimes it may be really challenging. We know or hear about people who are driven by fame, power and money, but they don’t always seem to be happier with their life.

There are actually many rich and famous people whose lives are far from ideal, although at first they may look fabulous: they have public recognition, fans, attend parties, and are able to afford houses and fantastic trips all over the world. Then when we look at someone’s life deeper, even though it seems full of blessings, it actually may be an empty and dark place filled with anxieties, depression or drugs.

The rich and famous sometimes can’t handle the social pressure, the expectations from the public and the high standards imposed by the industries they work in.

We often think … if we were rich the bad stuff and feelings surely wouldn’t happen to us and we would certainly know how to keep sane, responsible and in charge of our lives. We may think this but life isn’t as easy as it seems, even if one has money. Even the nicest and most noble people get lost and need to fight loneliness, cancer or depression. And sometimes they lose like in the case of Robin Williams and many others…

What have academic studies recently found out about the impact of money on our happiness and motivation?

According to the Harvard Business Review, studies show that, even if employees decided how much they earn for their work, they probably wouldn’t enjoy their work more!

The link between money and motivation or performance is much more complex than we think. Tim Judge and his colleagues analysed 120 pieces of research on this topic and concluded that there is actually a very weak link between money and job satisfaction.

“Employees earning salaries in the top half of our data range reported similar levels of job satisfaction to those employees earning salaries in the bottom-half of our data range.”

What’s interesting, and no matter how ridiculous it sounds, in non-physical jobs particularly, financial rewards can actually distract and demotivate people, and some tasks can be done even more slowly and less effectively than before!

Scientists believe that we should focus on our intrinsic motivation (own satisfaction) because it is a stronger predictor of our job satisfaction and/or performance.

Of course, research findings are only average and we need to remember that everyone is different and has different motives. Financial goals motivated by the pursuit of power or boosting our confidence (using the money for cosmetic surgeries, for example) will be a lot less rewarding than seeking a bigger income to meet needs related to security or family support.some-people-are-so-poor-all-they-have-is-money

For employers, a far better prediction of an employee’s job satisfaction is their personality traits rather than income:

“The more emotionally stable, extraverted, agreeable or conscientious people are, the more they tend to like their jobs (irrespective of their salaries)… but … the biggest organisational cause of disengagement is incompetent leadership. Thus, as a manager, it’s your personality that will have a significant impact on whether your employees are engaged at work, or not.”

If you are interested to find out more about this fascinating phenomenon, have a look at the Harvard Business Review article HERE

You may be interested in this great book too: Art of Money: A Life-Changing Guide to Financial Happiness by Bari Tessler available here

Energy-draining forms of resting

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Yes, you read this correctly. Some activities seem to be helping us to relax but actually drain a lot of our energy because they need a great deal of attention and focus.

For example, using the Internet may seem like fun but as you know it’s a really huge time waster and energy and attention drainer! Funny videos on You Tube may feel like a great way to relax because they make you smile or laugh but it’s a bit like eating chocolate—it works only for a moment and after such a break you actually feel more tired.

The Apple company confirmed in 2016 that their device users unlock their phones 80 times a day on average. This means 6 to 8 times an hour! Sounds unbelievable, right? Make a simple experiment. You can check how much time you waste on your phone by using one of these apps: Checky, Menthal or the recently created AntiSocial. These apps will allow you to see a lot of different interesting information about your phone usage. For instance, AntiSocial will show you if you use your phone or social media more or less when compared with someone who has a similar demographic as you. Researchers advise the use of one of these apps for around 2 weeks to be able to see a more accurate reflection of your real habits.

It is important to be aware how much time we waste on the Internet or on our phone, especially when it’s associated with factors such as low self-esteem, depression, insomnia and, of course, contributes to our delaying or failing to achieve our personal goals.

Many of us say that we have NO TIME. Check the results of your phone, tablet and PC usage and think again – do you really lack time or can you use your time more effectively?

Spending time with SOME people is another activity which looks like a form of resting but may actually drain a lot of your energy. You perhaps don’t feel like meeting some people but at the same time you think you probably should see and speak to them (family friends; a colleague that you see once or twice a year because neither of you feel you should call each other more often; a work colleague that you don’t really like or can’t trust but you feel you should sit with them during lunch time). Meeting people just for the sake of it and having some meaningless conversations can be really energy draining. It is often more about being polite and pretending than being really interested in socialising or what another person wants to tell you.

Try a brisk walk, mindfulness, stretching, or reading a book instead! Did you know that only 6 minutes of reading can decrease your stress level by nearly 70%? 

If you think of different activities during your usual week you may find more things like that. Surely watching TV is one of the examples.

What activities actually make you feel better, more confident, stronger, more optimistic and creative? Think what things make you feel like you have more energy and do them WAY MORE OFTEN!

What about unimportant meaningless stuff—don’t waste your precious time on it. Don’t let others decide what may be good for you. Don’t do things just to satisfy others and just because something may look good. Often no-one will remember and care. You have only one precious life and really, you should live it the way you want to.

 

 

JUST DO IT? WAIT!

action, air, balance

JUST DO IT – the famous phrase from NIKE’s advert has become popular in motivational posts, videos and speeches. Why wait? Stop thinking about it for ages. Stop procrastinating. Just do it! Right? No. Not really. Not always.

Some people tend to dwell too much on prep and planning stages or postpone things too much but taking actions mindlessly just to do something related to their goals is not the smartest move either.

You need to have an action plan; a good, well-thought-out action plan where you write down your goals, particular actions, steps and tasks.

Only 3% of adults actually write their goals down.

This is one of the reasons why over 90% of people fail working on their New Year resolutions by 15th January each year!

There have been a number of studies which indicate that people who write their goals down are 50% more successful in achieving what they plan.

You should always keep the note with your goals with you; for example, in your wallet. Why is it so important? If you keep your goals and action steps in your mind (especially if you have an active lifestyle):

  • you may forget about some of the goals or actions sometimes; an average human being has around 1,500 thoughts per minute – you can’t always ensure that your goals are kept on top of all these thoughts; often there is no energy & time for it
  • you may often feel that there are other more important or urgent things that are written, for example, in your emails
  • you won’t treat your personal goals as seriously as work or college/university-related assignments and projects (a lot of these are given to you in a written form or you are expected to write these things down!)

You need to come up with deadlines so your personal goals matter and are treated as any other, for example work goals. Once you have these important aspects sorted out then yes, take action!

And remember to book some time for reviewing your goals and plans because you will notice quickly what mistakes could be avoided, what works and what doesn’t, and what you can do to improve your working style.

Don’t JUST mindlessly DO IT!