Parent or not – how do you fight Time Poverty? 

Clear Glass With Red Sand Grainer

Firstly, a few interesting FACTS! 

The Modern Families Index 2017 (nearly 3,000 participants from the UK) has revealed that over 60% of parents have some flexible working arrangements due to childcare. However, 80% of parents feel they don’t have either enough money or time, or both, to fully enjoy their family life. This shows that although most of the parents work flexible hours, there is still “… a clear desire for more flexibility in working time, and control of it, suggesting a ‘flexibility gap’ – with parents wanting more flexibility than is available to them.” 

According to the research, most parents do some overtime in the evenings or at weekends. Parents admitted that this is the only way to deal with their large workload. So working from home, agile working – these are not the solutions to work-life balance problem.

Childcare and domestic responsibilities prevented 49% of the parents from being able to take up some physical activity and 43% complained that they were so busy there was no time to organise a healthy diet on an everyday basis.

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Approximately 50% of parents feel constantly stressed and burnt out by work. The participants were asked how they dealt with it and there were three main answers: they take annual leave, sick leave or reduce their hours.

How many times a day or a week do you try to incorporate some time for yourself, your interests, or your own projects? I’m really interested in the answers. You see, that’s what I struggle with quite often and that’s the reason I haven’t written here for a while. Life with a small baby and a five year old is beautiful but is also incredibly busy , especially if you are trying your best to ensure that you don’t just meet basic children’s needs but also take care of their personal development, learning, physical activities.

Most days I’m up at 6am and until around 8pm-ish I rush with everything- cleaning, cooking, shopping, sorting out stuff like arranging a GP appointment or washing machine repair. And then I plan to do my stuff in the evening, even if by saying my stuff I mean just reading for a bit, but by the time the evening comes I’m so tired that I can’t manage to do anything else that would need my brain to understand, create or analyse anything I do or read. 

However, I do fight for a bit of Me Time most of the week, and well, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t but usually I feel happy if I manage to get any bit of time for writing, learning photography or just simply having a nap during the day! Due to my very active lifestyle I have become really interested in the time poverty topic and sometimes I wonder how other people juggle their responsibilities and keep on top of their work-life balance; whether others find time for themselves or whether they are TRYING to find time for themselves and how hard they do that, and how far they would go. Do they arrange childcare to go to the gym or do they try to do something for themselves only when the children go sleep? And if they do, do they have a plan for every week or is it more of a spontaneous thing when they try to catch every opportunity that they get? Do some people want time for themselves but give up on this dream as it’s too hard to incorporate into their life…??

Round Gold-colored Black Analog Watch With Grey Leather Band

Well, I feel that my children are priority No.1, but at the same time I feel I can’t simply give up on my personal development or interests for, say, 10 years, until the children are bigger and I can spend some time on my stuff. So, it’s hard because it’s like a continuous everyday fight for a piece of space where I can rest or do something I like but that doesn’t necessarily involve my kids (like simply reading a book). Some days it seems impossible and yet in my opinion, if children see parents doing some creative work, or exercising it actually sets them a good example to follow – that we should devote some time to take care of ourselves.

Lifelong learning, passions, being physically active – many research studies have shown these aspects to be CRUCIAL to people’s happiness levels. Children want to see us happy rather than grumpy. I hope 😉

It’s the XXIst  century and we know that a woman’s place is not in the kitchen and that they have equal rights to their partners; more dads contribute to looking after children than ever before … and yet, there are many who judge women for being selfish and not putting 110% of their time solely into family life and childcare. This makes things worse because some women like me may not only struggle to find so-called ME TIME on an everyday basis but they also feel stigmatised by other people who don’t understand their need for personal development or perhaps don’t have any interests themselves. Some of you may say we shouldn’t care about the opinions of others and I agree but, on the other hand, we are social creatures and our emotions often trigger automatic reactions (like anxiety or anger) in our bodies before we have time to analyse and think logically about a situation. So we can try to not care but it isn’t always that easy. 

The concept of free time seems like an illusion, and yet, we all need some time to recharge.

adult, adventure, baby

So yes, life with children is like a rollercoaster. If you are in a similarly extremely busy period of your life, are you able to find some time for yourself and do you use any time-management or organisational techniques that help you with your routine or perhaps the lack of it?pastedGraphic.png I have a magnetic calendar on my fridge that I can’t imagine life without! 😉 All appointments, events, birthdays, and reminders go there. Oh dear, I would be so lost without it! I’d love to hear how you deal with this! 🙂

TO ALL ‘INVISIBLE’ MUMS OUT THERE!

Woman Carrying Baby at Beach during Sunset

Hi everyone!

Today is Mother’s Day in Poland and I’d like to share with you some thoughts on motherhood and maternity leave:

Being a mum isn’t a full-time job as some people say.

You can’t call in sick.

You can’t have breaks because you feel like eating a hot lunch.

You can’t quit because you don’t like the conditions.

You need to fulfil your responsibilities even if you are sick or tired or didn’t sleep for a few days. It’s taken for granted that being a mum is just a role like being a friend or a daughter. Of course, mums know that it’s a lot more than that. What is it then?

In my opinion it is a mission! If I had to describe motherhood with a movie title I would probably say Mission Impossible. 😉 Motherhood is POSSIBLE to do but it’s impossible to please everyone while you are in this role and to always keep on top of it.

All mothers have all sorts of moments when they feel down, depressed, fed up and exhausted. All mums make some mistakes. But, most mums surely do above and beyond to try to meet the expectations which are imposed on the mother’s role.

The health-care services, our close relatives and friends tend to emphasise that we shouldn’t stress out or try to be perfect parents. Yet, subconsciously we get all sorts of signs that perfection in this matter is very important. We get a lot of pieces of advice and everyone including our friends, and mum and auntie seem to know the best way to bring up our own children – how we should hold them when they are little, when we should feed them, what, why and when we should be doing well… everything.

What’s more, friends who we haven’t seen in a while will ask us what else we are doing in our life – what job we go to, what interests or business we have – because being a mum doesn’t sound like it’s enough. We should have a life, right? What if someone’s passions are activities with children and spending time with the family?

So many people are parents and yet so many keep forgetting how demanding and challenging a mum’s role is, especially if we want to make sure that our little one has a wonderful childhood and becomes a healthy happy person.

No wonder many women tend to defend themselves saying that motherhood actually is like a job and sometimes they even list tasks and responsibilities they have every day and complain that there is no time for anything else. Right. That’s understandable. Yet, why do we feel like we should explain ourselves in this matter? I know that it’s easy to forget how it is to take care of a newborn and how it is to sleep up to 2-3 hours a night if we are lucky, and how painful the labour is.

Whatever the reasons why people forget how motherhood can be a challenge, we should start to care way less what others say and think. If others are also parents they should understand us. Their amnesia and ignorance aren’t our problems, mamas!

The most frustrating are people who don’t have any children but try to judge us or give advice on how to look after our children, believing that their opinion is for some reason better and wiser than our own.

And yet, there are hundreds of forums and groups for mums where sometimes the biggest critics and I-know-it-all types of people are … other mums.

Well, time to care less about them too and hang out with and hold on to positive, warm, encouraging, good and supportive people around us.

Sometimes it may be impossible to cut off all negativity out there – there may be a cousin or even your good friend who would try to make your life harder even if they believe they are just trying to help. However, if we can’t change what others say, then we can surely at least change our reaction to it.

Care less.

Listen to negativity less.

When someone tries to destroy your inner peace, think of some nice dessert or flowers 😉

Here’s to all mamas whose effort, huge love and sacrifice is invisible to others! 

How I discovered some new passions

White Printing Paper Near Black Computer Keyboard

I haven’t written for a while because since giving birth to my second child I have been having a few sleepless nights, lots of responsibilities and little time for anything. I don’t like to use time as an excuse so maybe I should re-word it and say that I had time but there were other priorities for me. Even organising my house better was more important than reading and writing for a while. Cleaning doesn’t seem as productive and developing as writing or reading but hey… sometimes we need to be flexible and change our priorities for a while because there is often a lot more on our plates than just taking care of our hobbies.

I’ve always tried to ensure that my passions don’t get pushed aside and that my life won’t be taken over by mundane activities, such as cooking, shopping, cleaning and work; but I guess sometimes we can control our lives a bit more than other times as it is more complex than we may want, especially if we live with people that depend on us in some way.

Anyway, the responsibilities I have had haven’t only been the boring or hard ones after all. With the birth of my second child I had to devote a large proportion of my days to taking care of children: changing nappies and breastfeeding the little one and finding & making up some games and activities I could do with my 4-year-old daughter so I could still spend some quality time with her, and hopefully make her less jealous of the new mini-boss in da house! 😉 It actually turned out better than I thought it would – more fun, more interesting. Even though I’m in my 30s I’ve been learning a lot while doing some science experiments and different activities with my child.

Did you know, for example, that adding some hot water to skittles can create a beautiful rainbow?

And that mixing bicarbonate of soda and vinegar will create a little volcano that your child will love? And that adding a bit of vanilla extract will get rid of all the vinegar smell in your house when you are doing this experiment?

Did you know that foam sheets such as those soaked in water for a bit can stick to your window for up to 48 hours? I cut a lot of small pieces in various shapes for my daughter so she could create people, robots, flowers and anything else that her imagination came up with!

Adding food colouring to pasta, rice or shaving foam can be a lot of fun too, especially for a pre-schooler who is still discovering new textures and shapes and exploring the variety the world offers.

Colorful Sweets

I bought some books with screen-free activities and our days have become more colourful and enjoyable than ever before! 😉 The book I like the most is 150+ Screen-Free Activities for Kids: The Very Best and Easiest Playtime Activities from FunAtHomeWithKids.com!

What’s more, I’ve created an Instagram account where I share some of these activities. I have family living in different countries – mainly in Poland and Brazil but also some in the USA, and it feels great when they can see what my daughter and I have been up to sometimes! 😉

If you would like to get some ideas for children’s activities have a look at my new Instagram page and follow us there: https://www.instagram.com/nathikc/ and don’t forget to let me know what you think about the activities!

When life and priorities change

It’s funny how productivity techniques work so fantastically well when you have a lot of time but just don’t really know how to organise yourself better, and how they fail to work when you are REALLY very busy.

Having a newborn is probably one of the most extreme circumstances when one lacks time, sleep, and a proper eating routine, suffers some memory problems and feels drained physically and mentally (especially when the baby has colic).

The great news is that I survived the terrible labour and that my baby is well!

The bad news is that, although a few weeks have passed since my son’s birth, I still don’t have a routine I’d find relatively stable and effective. Days are challenging, time passes incredibly quickly and I need to be very flexible. I feel I would like to devote a bit more time to my interests and exercising but working on wellbeing and parenting has become a priority right now.

In meantime I’ve been discovering some new activities and experiments I can do with my 4-year-old daughter. Some quality time for us is needed more than ever.

Have a look at some interesting ideas for children’s activities: here